Monday, 1. April 2013 - 20:34 Uhr
So, today is April Fool's day here in the good old USA, or Easter in Canada. But for me, there's no April Fool's going on, because I am always a serious person. It's just BAU. Business as usual. So this is how my lovely day went.
So, I was getting out of bed this morning, all sleepyhead and all, and then I heard a whole freaking lot of gunfire and I was like "???" so I ran to the window and BURST it shatters because someone's firing a machine gun at my window! So I run downstairs and grab the phone and call the police and then I hide under my computer desktop until they come and take the guy away.
So, later I was eating lunch and suddenly I see something in the distance, and lo and behold, it looks like a tsunami or something. (Maybe Mermaid came to life, haha.) So everyone starts screaming and running, and it's actually a flash flood though there's not a drop of rain anywhere near us. So we all had to climb up on the roof of a restaurant building until I caught a helicopter to take me to Singapore.
So, on my helicopter ride, the engine fails and we're all screaming as we fall towards the ocean, and then suddenly unicorns pop out of the air and we jump on their backs and they take us to safety, except we're back in the west and not in Singapore, phooey.
So, now that we're in LA, I go and decide to take my chances at gambling, and while I'm busy playing poker, a car suddenly drives through the wall and crashes into the bar, and we all jump up and scream.
So, we're all busy running, and then out of nowhere a stampede of rhinos, elepahnts, ostriches, the like come trampling across our path and I leapt back so I wouldn't get stepped on.
So, I decide to retreat to an indoor pool to relax a bit, when the walls and roof are suddenly taken off the indoor pool by a giant who's about 177.496 feet tall, and everyone in the pool is freaking out. The giant took the walls and ceiling and left us alone, but we were all pretty shaken up.
So, I stayed in the pool, when I notice that the water level is getting higher and higher, and real fast. And then it overflows the pool and starts going everywhere, and it's like a lake is suddenly popping out of nowhere and we're all yelling and getting washed everywhere by the water that's growing.
So, if that wasn't enough, there's more screaming and i see an alligator swimming across the newly formed lake/pool towards us, and we all are swimming away, and the alligator tries to bite my head off and I jump on its back and I'm hanging on for dear life.
So, while I'm doing that, an alien spaceship comes out of nowhere and sucks me up into the mother ship, leaving everyone below, and then we go zooming off and the aliens dump me unceremoniously in the middle of Death Valley.
So, it's burning hot and I'm dying of thirst, and I find an oasis, except whoops, the oasis is run by cannibals. Then I start running away from the cannibals and they're chasing me and finally I see a llama hangingout out by a cactus so I jump on its back and it gallops off and the creepy cannibals are left behind.
So, I spy a tree with coconuts and we go towards it, but it's a mirage and I end up faceplanting in the dirt. When I get up my llama's run off, and I end up walking across the desert hoping I won't die. And then, hooray, as night falls I hear a loud howling. It just so happens that I cut myself on a cactus earlier and now I'm bleeding. While the moon's rising in the sky the wolves come.
So, I jump behind a cactus when the first one charges and it bonks into the cactus and falls over. The rest of the wolves charge but I'm alreayd running, and they're gaining on me, and so I see something in the distance. i grab a nearby tree branch and swing off like a trapeze artist, flying for a few seconds before i land in front of the distant thing (which is now not so distant), which turns out to be a cave. I left the wolves behind and went into the cave.
So, it just so happened that the cave was inhabited by an unfriendly dragon who threatened to eat me because I was disturbing the peace. I ran around the cave, grabbed his scaly tail and climbed up on his back while he tried to fry me with fire. Then I grabbed a stick and stabbed him in the chink in his scales. He shrieked and I ordered him to fly out of the cave. he obliged and soon I was flying back home.
So, once he dropped me off and went crawling back home miserable, I went back into my house and found it completely taken over by man-eating platns. I ran into the garage and found some insecticide. Then I mixed it up with rat poison and threw it at the base of the vines while they tried to strangle me. The mixture made the vines all shrink and die until my house was clean again.
So, I decided to make some coffee, but the coffee was possessed and made me really sick, so I ended up drinking a half liter of tea to get it out and I had to pee really bad afterwards, but I got the possessed coffee out. It seemed really sad as it went down the drain.
So, I had a teaspoon of honey, and went to bed.
Just an ordinary day, BAU.